DUDE! Put that thing AWAY!!!!

No.
not THAT thing...

I'm talking about that gelatinous landscape,(roughly the size of Arkansas and just about as lumpy,humid, and ugly),between your neck and the,(invisible),top of your shorts: you NEED to put a shirt on it, man.

I mean.

Here I am innocently toodling along a somewhat rural stretch of SR229, minding my own business....suddenly my eyes are drawn, irresistibly, ASSAULTINGLY, to the pallid, sweaty glare of you, jiggling across the lawn astride the seat of an obviously exhertionally-wheezy John Deere....I'd swear that I could see the axles buckling, and I found myself wishing that your lawn wasn't so bumpy, as I found myself positively nauseated by the vaguely obscene,wave-like motion that those bumps generated in the rolls of meat that you weren't enough embarassed by to have,at least, heaved a tarp over yourself before heading out to the roadside.

Dude.

There are,like, THOUSANDS of statuesquely built, less busty, way WAY cuter women across America who would have been arrested for just such public indecency, cited for Mowing In Public Without a Top On.
You have bigger tah-tahs than most of them, and yours are fracking UGLY.
But, just because your gonads hang beneath your body cavity, it's all okey doke to subject the rest of us to YOU.
You should be FRACKING BUSTED, and your poor, suffering, flat-tired J.D. Should be impounded, if only to prevent further episodes of this kind from ever happening again.....


There you are....your glistening lard-white folds, (with a delicate blush of Easter-ham pink artistically tingeing the edges...), quivering along at approximately 8 mph....fascinatingly horrified, I am unable to tear my eyes away, as you begin to make your turn up the next row and......

YE GODS AND ALL THE MINIONS OF HADES BELOW,THERE IS NO JUSTICE OR SANITY IN AMERICA!!!!!!!!!

....we are now treated to that astro-turf-hairy and appallingly mole-spackled expanse that YOU refer to as your "back".
Need a mower for that too, don'tchya?

Yup.
I'd MUCH prefer that The Law come and force YOU to cover yourself.
Maybe the Law,as it is written and observed and enforced, should not refer to gender.
Maybe it should be a matter of cup-size.....

damn.
I hope you end up with a 2nd degree sunburn....EVERYWHERE.