Room for One More?

.....because, ya know, there's STILL TIME FOR ANOTHER BEST of 2010.

I'm sorry, it just gets on my nerves.

All these "Ten Best of 2010" dealies.

You can't look at ANYTHING without there being some Retrospective Ten Best list, or "TheYear in Review", or The Best of 2010!" someplace on it.

Go look at T*me, Gizm*do,"Pe*ple,L*fe, ZDn*t, etc. etc. from this past week,(or, in many cases, MONTH), and you'll find at least one of these articles.

In at least one case, it was done twice....and you know what?

The 2 separate articles disagreed as to exactly WHICH events,(of 2010, don't forget that), were among the TEN BEST.

I, for one, find this whole thing intensely irritating.

First of all, Why is it always TEN?

I mean.

Why not Eleven?

What if there weren't Ten events that were really all that great,( and deserving of a special block on the front page), what if only Eight or Nine things were truly noteworthy during the year?

Then there's the part where it's all opinion-driven anyway.

Which explains why different periodicals have different lists....Rocket-Science, eh?

Or how about the part where people should really be able to figure this out for themselves?

I certainly know what I think the Top Events for 2010 were...and I am not entirely sure that there were exactly Ten of them, nor do I discount that yet another BEST Event could still happen inside the Year 2010.

There are still 14 hours and 22 minutes* remaining, people!

A Satanist Cult still has time to set fire to some cow in Nebraska!

So don't believe it, it's just HYPE, think for yourself.

*Which depends entirely upon which Time Zone you are in. For instance, it's a done deal in Japan....

Thirty Seconds......

....that's all it takes.

Suicide could be coming to a Lonely Person near you.

Call'em.*

"Hi, Happy Christmas, Hope your Day is a Good one, Thinking of you....."

Simple, really.

It's not much. But that may be all somebody really needed, from ANYBODY.

After they've offed it, it's too late to say,"Well, they always seemed to PREFER being alone." Or, "I was busy.", or "I just figured if Ted wanted to catch up, he'd call...."

Get real.

Maybe they just slipped your mind. It happens...people who seem important, while in view, just,somehow,cease to exist for us when we can't see them....

Maybe you decided they need to be the one to call YOU. Never mind that you have a family in your house and that person maybe figured you have Stuff Going On and they don't want to be intrusive.

Maybe they are just Proud.

.....Or maybe they wandered off into their own distance, forgot about what a Warmy Social Yuletide is all about, maybe they are just some weirdoh Anchorite Facing Into The Shrieking-Onslaught Winds of Personal Depression.

Whatever it is....there IS a reason, they still need you to call.... if they don't pick up, LEAVE A MESSAGE!.

The statistic is high for Holiday Season Suicide.

And, REALLY, it doesn't take much to change the statistic.

It just takes somebody who cares....

THIRTY SECONDS.

*If you don't have a phone number on them, EMAIL them, you doof! BUH!

p.s. I already made my call today, thankyouverymuch.

...so I was NICE....

...and took down the central image Horrible Hanging Dog picture.

It was the Flexer#l* that made me do it...... and some attempt at feeling pre-Holiday-ish, in a marginally generous sort of way.

My five,(maybe even SIX!), followers know what an effort generosity is for me.

Let's face it; I am mean and horrible and hostile.

Okay, not quite so much, but I certainly do like animals better than humans, holding a SPECIAL Hole of Hostility in my heart for those who abuse the animals.

I am The DogMeat, after all.

So "ho ho ho", Happy Holiday, I promise to not post any more HORRID images.... until AFTER Christmas, anywayz.

* Note and General Warning: DON'T be throwing around 120 lb. bales of hay when it's stankin' cold and you haven't warmed up your back sufficiently. It's killer. Thank God I have an iPad. Makes laying about in odd postures and posting blog items,(through a Flex#ryl haze), bearable.

Yes. It's Graphic and it's NOT Pretty.

YES I DID.

I added some photos and a link from one of my most important affiliations; Dogs Deserve Better.

And those photos can pretty much "harsh your mellow". Make you feel sad.

Awww.....

Too Bad.

As I have said, I am trying to Save The World, and Dogs figure very prominently in mine, just in case ya hadn't noticed.

Perhaps you tuned in for a smile or a bit of my rancid wit.

Well, it's still here.... but it's COLD now, and countless dogs will freeze to death, or hang themselves, or attack some stray kid,(they are 2&1/2 times more likely to when tied), or bleed out from a chain ulceration around their necks...all because some ass-wholes, who have these creatures entirely at their mercy, and which creatures depend upon our whimsy, decided that Chaining The Dog Out was the way to go.

Common Myths/Reasons for doing so:

-Maybe they think it's a way to protect the property;

That only works as far as the chain reaches, FOOL. And it makes it easier for the bad guys to kill/incapacitate that dog. Dog is WAY more effective loose inside the house.

-Maybe they had a kid after acquiring the dog and now they don't want to deal with Fido any longer, see them as disposable in some way, are afraid that Rowfie will hurt the baby;

Got news for you,Mommy... dogs are pack animals and will be more likely to protect Babykins than hurt him, and kids who grow up with a dog in the family,(NOT OUT BACK YOU DOOF,THAT DOESN'T COUNT!), do better with social interactions, are less likely to pick on other kids, are less often impacted by depression, are more likely to understand diversity and the earth better, and may even grow up smarter! The dog tied out back is FAR more likely to hurt your toddler than one who lives inside your house as a part of your "pack".

-Maybe it's some weird Power Dog thing and they don't even really care about the dog so much as the image having some poor pit bull chained up outside gives them;

DUDE! Is Your Dick Really That Small That You Need Some Poor Animal To Abuse To Feel Better About Your Issues? Invest in a Really Big HandGun instead.

-Maybe they didn't like the mess having a puppy in the house caused;

So. You are SO FACKING LAZY and sad that you will punish,and perhaps, KILL some innocent creature because you didn't do your homework and find out how big it would get and much effort and patience and training is needed.....or maybe that was an impulse buy and now you feel STUCK with something that was a lot more work and a lot less of an accessory than your Do*ney-and-Bjorke handbag.... "It was cute when it was little, but NOW look at it!"

-Maybe they are backward rurals who think that's just the way it is;

"We always done it that way. Them hounds is MEANT to live outside, they LOVE it."

First of all, Jephro.... Just 'cuz your daddy and your grand-daddy did it that way doesn't make it right or smart, or even the best way to do it. Think outhouse vs. flush toilet, mule-team vs. tractor, burlap undies vs. Fruitie Looms.

Secondly.....NO. THEY DON'T. THEY FREEZE, THEY DIE OF THIRST,THEY STARVE,THEY HANG, THEY BUG NEIGHBOURS WHO'S HEARTS ARE BROKEN HEARING THEM HOWL ALL NIGHT LONG AND SEEING THEM SUFFER WHENEVER THEY DRIVE BY. There is NOTHING those dogs LIKE about that situation, they only wag their tails when you come outside in hopes that you will feed them and turn their water bowl back upright and refill it and maybe not kick them while doing so because it's cold and you were watching The Man Show and rather not be bothered but your wife made you because they were barking for just a little too long.....or maybe they even blindly hope that you will change your mind about them and let them back into the pack,(i.e. your home and family). Just because there is NO Humane Law enforced for animals in Cow-Poop County doesn't make you right, you Cloth-Earred Beet!

So, yup, I added some harsh and sad and graphic photos and a Serious Rant to kill the Holiday Buzz*.

Or maybe, I just added an Awareness of Something That's Going On to your Winter, maybe poke you in the eye a little,(maybe I even hurt your feelings, if you are a dog-chainer yourself), maybe I can just get somebody/anybody to DO something about it.

Maybe I drove past That House Up the Road** with 2 poor dogs,( pit mixes with really short hair), chained out , wrapped around a pole and can't reach their hut and the water dishes are flipped or frozen and it's snowy and only 20 degrees right now and they both look fackin' emaciated, laying hung up in frozen mud, and I just can't stand it any more.

So Suck it Up.

Go to the link.

Order up,(or even print them yourself for free!), some pamphlets and distribute them...tack'em to the door of a Dog-Chainer Near You.

Get a cool car magnet. BE BRAVE, make others aware.....

But do it before that dog down the street freezes to death, mm'kay?

*Don't worry, we'll get SugarPlumFairy levels of the Holiday Buzz back on track before long, I SWEAR.

**which now has a pamphlet tacked to the front door, and will have, every day until they change something, or until I die, whichever comes first.

Really, I DIN'T.

Okay.

I am not making this up,I was actually asked this question:

"If you didn't do it and you were in Alberta at the time, how did you get that picture?"

Umm.

The first and best answer is; "Anybody can pull a photo from the internet. BUH!"

(The "BUH" in there is imperative for that answer to have full effect. It just wouldn't be the best way to answer that question without the "BUH" in there, and all caps at that.)

But even,perhaps,more readily obvious is the fact that the photo was clearly taken FROM A HELICOPTER.

It's an OVERHEAD shot.

ANYBODY who knows me is perfectly well aware of the sad fact that I DON'T own a helicopter.

If I did, I'd have one of those Vulcan mini-guns* mounted on the front of the thing and I'd be out there running the freeway, taking out cell-texters and newspaper readers before they could clear the on-ramps, making the roads safer for the rest of us....

And it certainly wouldn't be long before REALLY porkubese white men would know better than to jiggle around, shirtlessly, out there on their lawn tractors.

NOBODY,(at least, nobody in Ohio), would have the nerve to casually toss a used diaper onto the surface of the Tractor Store Parking Lot, for fear of Terror Raining From the Skies.

They'd all have to answer to a Higher Power.

geez.

Get It?

You Guys are SO lame!

Higher Power.

Me in the Helicopter, having all this Power.

ugh.

I thought is was funny.

Hum.

I think I'll just go check how the Boeing AH 64 Apache is pricing out on eBay these days. Maybe I can get a used one with the Vulcan* tossed in as a package deal.

If I purchase the flame-thrower at the same time, I know I can get the combined shipping discount....

WAY less boring than sitting around here with all these peeps who have NO sense of humour.....

*Vulcan mini-gun i.e. The M134, is a multi-barrel, high-speed, electronic-fired gatling gun which can fire 2000 to 6000 rounds per minute. I could go with the M61, but the larger shells are less cost effective over-all, since it is unlikely that I would ever be interested in taking out anything larger than an automobile or a small truck. For larger objects,the rocket launcher would then be the more appropriate option.

I DIN'T DO IT!

REALLY.

I SWEAR.

I have been informed, now that I am back, that there was a SIGNIFICANT building fire in downtown Mt. V**non while I was away.

I'd just like to remind people, no matter what you may have heard me say, on occaision, that I was IN ALBERTA AT THE TIME.

Nope.

Ya can't pin this one on me, mothahs, I gots an alibi.

........ and, anywayz, all gas-cans pretty much look alike, they all look exactly the same as the one that might be missing from my pickup truck.

Stankin' Dark!

So dark, in fact, that my cousins are really really glad that I have a glow-in-the-dark Iron Man t-shirt....

..................and that I was wearing it.

We had pulled off the side of PR9, north of Red Deer in Alberta,(which is about halfway between Calgary and Edmonton), so that the boys could take a whizz.

Well, it's really really dark out there.

The guys had been carrying on about how the truck lights gave them no privacy as they trudged off into the bush to the west of the road.

So I switched off the lights, rolled down the window, then killed the engine too......all in the interest of energy conservation and being environmentally conscious and what not...

.....and then I sat there in the dark and waited.

It wasn't long before I heard some crashing around and some swearing.

And, "Dammit! Where's the frackin' road, man?" "I dunno, I think it's over here..."

*crash crash flail around crash*

Followed by, "SH*T! WHERE'S THE FRAKIN' ROAD, AND WHERE'S THE FRACKIN' TRUCK?!? AND WHERE THE FRACK ARE YOU?!?"

Then I hear some more crashing followed by a sort of mumbled, "Hell,Frank, I'm over here. Stop making so much noise, you KNOW A.J. will hear us and just think this is SOOO funny! "

Little did they know that I was holding my nose and nearly choking on it, trying to keep from laughing out loud.

So anyhoo, they stumbled around until one of them tripped over the edge of the road and fell onto the asphalt, the other,(I'm not sure who, as it was too dark to tell), sort of stumbled over him and wound up sort of sitting on his back.

At this point, a snorkle escaped from between my lips and nose, giving some sense of my position away.

Two heads whipped around and two sets of outraged eyes locked onto the glowing Iron Man Arc Reactor image printed on the chest of my black t-shirt..... and then they launched themselves at the hood of the truck.

Thank God I had the presence of mind to "high beam" them before they reached the truck, or I'm certain that they would have killed me and abandoned my battered corpse someplace between Leduc and Nisku................

Greetings From the Skies and Fields of Saskatchewan!

I think the picture says it all, pretty much.

Looking north across a rye field, seeing the sky dance from above latitudes even higher than the one on which we were standing.

This is one of those things that peeps south of the border don't get to see very often, and certainly not the folks in Florida.

I secretly speculate that this is the REAL reason the Amerikanskis bought Alaska.......

.......as good a reason as any, I guess.

I have to say.

I was worried that I wouldn't be able to fit "Saskatchewan" into the title bar's space allowance.

I guess you gotta have a big name to balance only having 15 CITIES,(16, if you count Flin Flon...yes, there is a place called Flin Flon, there is also Moose Jaw and Saskatoon), and 145 towns.

LOTS of "ghost towns", a fair number of First Nation,(Native), reserves. Right around 195 reserves.

Seems it's just too stankin' cold and arid for the whites , so they shoved many of the plains peoples into the parts of Saskatchewan that they weren't planting rye on. And a lot of plains people got forced north from what is now USA plains land.

The only good Indian is a frozen one, ya know.

But anyway.

Saskatchewan is bigger than Washington, Oregon, and part of California combined.

It is desert and prairie and forest, it is a place of extremes; the hottest temps in summer in the 90's to 100's,(I corrected all that C stuff to F stuff, since my 5 followers are from USA...), and the high daytime temps in winter are around 2 degrees,(F again)..... The hottest temp ever recorded in Canada was in Saskatchewan, and so was the coldest. There is no ocean or major lake or major mountain range to temper the climates much.

I say climates, because Saskatchewan stretches from the sub-arctic to the top of Montana and North Dakota.

It can get very windy here, especially on the dune-lands.

But, just as the desert is beautiful, just as the deep forest is wild and serene, this is so of Saskatchewan.

It's well worth freezing one's katookies off to be here.

I wish one of my five followers...

........would post a comment.

I can't figure out if the comments dealie works, if nobody ever posts a comment.

shoot.

I don't know if any of you are even reading this damn thing.

...here I am, making all this effort, just for you, while braving the moose-free snowfields of deepest Manitoba.

snort.

Goot Morning Manitoba!

...so where are all the damn meese?

as in... ....................Mooses. Moose. More than one moose, plural moose-ness.

We hoiked up our long underwear and headed up here to,hopefully, make our annual encounter with the Moose People.

Generally, at this time of year, you can see them carousing around the outskirts of the towns, getting wasted on cheap beer, obstructing daily road travel,( they suck at following the rules regarding slow-moving-vehicle traffic), and irritating the snot out of the local law-enforcement agents due to the fact that they make nearly irresistible targets for persons who are generally inclined to ignore the anti-poaching statutes anyway.......especially when said person has had his garbage bins knocked over for the third time in four days;

Law Enforcement Officer,(LEO): " Sir, you know that this is not a designated hunting area and that I must cite you and confiscate the alleged moose."

Moose Offender,(MO): " Hey! I had to shoot that moose! It was self defense! What do you mean, 'ALLEGED'?!?"

LEO: " I'm sorry sir, I fail to see how it was self defense. By alleged, I mean that it's not clear yet that you yourself shot this particular moose or that any claims you may be making about which moose it was are legitimate or accurate."

MO: "I know it was that moose! You can see the Tim Hortons box still stuck in his antlers from where he was knocking over the bins again this morning! That's self-defense right there! Of COURSE I shot him!"

LEO: "So you, sir, are definitely now admitting to the illegal assassination of this moose, while NOT in a designated hunting area, and without your tag in plain view?"

MO: "Of course I don't have my tag! I'm still in my pyjamas! Maybe I'm NOT admitting to anything! Maybe my cousin came over and saved me from this moose's horrible attacks! Maybe it wasn't THAT moose.....it COULD have been a different one, I couldn't see clearly in the dark!"

LEO: "So you were out shooting moose during hours of darkness? That's quite serious, sir. Were you "spot-lighting" them as well? I think I may have to ask you to turn and put your hands up against the car while I search you for weapons."

MO: "ACK! WHAT? Hey, WAIT!"

....and so on, and so on......

.........so, ANYWAY, we haven't yet seen any meese. Perhaps we can buy a 6-pack of Moose-head, pop the tops so it's easy bait, and wait nearby with soothing tunes wafting an inviting ambience from the windows of the pick-up truck.

Sure hope it doesn't attract too many grizzlies................

Note: There is NOT a moose anywhere in the photograph above. I wanted one to be there, but there just wasn't one, so, you'll just have to wait for a photo of one when one finally does appear. Suck it up, I'm not happy about it either.

It's Time, Once Again, foooOOORRRR......

ON THE ROAD WITH THE DOGMEAT!!!!

Yup.

Here we are, back in Canuckie-Land, having survived the chant of "Road Trip! Road Trip! Road Trip!" all the way from Ohio to Ohs-By-God-Weken. Without killing anybody.

And THEN we went to the opener of Hockey Night In Canada, yah, in Toronto, Leafs* vs the Canadiens.

Dundas Street was wall-to-wall, mob partisanship was frighteningly abundant, yet, in spite of Team Support, everybody was BROTHERS IN HOCKEY.

We're all so happy that hockey season has started that nobody really has any hostility......

....yet.

My cousins had scoped some tickets to the game, there was Really-Facking-Big-Ass-Screen TV broadcasting out in the square, Millions of Canadians singing "Oh Canada!" in unison.

I swear you could hear all of us from Michigan, if you were listening.

Goot game, tight, Leafs won by one.

Didn't really hurt anybody's feelings, since, after all, The Leafs are "Canada's Team".

Then, back out,(oot), to the square, thousands standing and milling around watching The National,(CBC broadcasting), and then watching the West Coast Biggie Opener, THE BATTLE OF ALBERTA, starring Edmonton Oilers vs Calgary Flames.

I am,(mostly), an Oilers fan, as is my entire family. I turned traitor last season, having had JUST TOO MUCH, abandoned them for Vancouver, who, at the time, were just one notch up from the bottom and Edmonton.

I may have to re-think my traitor-ness.

The Oilies beat the Flamers 4 to 0!

Take that, Calgary!

We,(Edmonton...notice how easily that just rolled out,((oot)), there?), haven't beat Calgary in 7 games.

And here we start the season beating our ArchRivalNemesises.

So.

The Euros have NOTHING on the Canadian people when it comes to milling about,(aboot), outdoors celebrating sport.

Unless it might be the setting fire to things and destroying shop-windows and beating rivals senseless and having to have the riot police come in.

Then, those happy Euros beat us hands down.

They can have it.

CatchyaLayetrz,

........................next time I can get a signal.

oh yah.

almost forgot.

Some Fool gave me a mini-cam for my birthday.

(No, I haven't got it set up yet, so, SHUT UP.)

If I can figure out how to get vids attached to this dealie.....

well, all I can say is, LOOK OUT all you I-Text-While-Driving swinewhores.

I plan to publish the footage online and send it to the cops.

Don't worry, I'll be hands free and safe, once I get the cam rigged up to this hat dealie I'm constructing....

Be very afraid.

*Nobody needs to give me Grief about Grammar on this. I didn't choose it, but let's face it; it's better to have the team name be Toronto "Leafs", than one poor team mate having to be referred to as a Toronto "Leave". It's really NOT that big a deal, and I just know some smug Amerikanski is sitting there thinking disparaging thoughts about Toronto's choice of a team name, right this very instant. Well, guess what;

Canada isn't spewing nearly the amount of fossil fuel emissions into the atmosphere that America is,we have a National Anthem that makes sense,(and which everybody generally knows the words to), and we don't have NEARLY the number of Text-While-Driving swinewhores on the road, and hockey is just a way better game than football.

So There.

This Ain't Dear Diary, Bitches.

...so all you 5 followers need to just suck it up and get over it.

I'm not some mindless Barbie-drone who is so self-involved that I feel compelled to come in here just every day,(or even every month), and bleat about each and every humty-tum event in my humty-tum little life.

You won't find me dribbling on in here about, "today I saw a guy who I just KNOW is a friend of a guy who dates Brad Pitt's second cousin's sister-in-law's BFF, OMG!!!!"

Or fussing about why they don't put Naked Big-Gazonga Girls Vaseline Wrestling,(brought to you by Limp Stud Productions), on the Spike channel.

Nope.

You'll only find pertinent, educational, timely, morally and socially valuable entries in here.

Okay, and ONLY when I feel like it, when I actually think I have something to say, when I think that the suspenseful silence has caught your attention, and when I can remember my damn password to get into this blog page dealie.

typing makes my hands go numb, you know.

I think it's all the hyperventilating...........

stay tuned, beetches.

But only if you want to.

TOO FACKING HOT!!!

So hot, in fact, that it fried my brain.

I HAD something I was going to fuss about, but I forgot what it was.

When I remember, I will put it in here.

damn.

DUDE! Put that thing AWAY!!!!

No.
not THAT thing...

I'm talking about that gelatinous landscape,(roughly the size of Arkansas and just about as lumpy,humid, and ugly),between your neck and the,(invisible),top of your shorts: you NEED to put a shirt on it, man.

I mean.

Here I am innocently toodling along a somewhat rural stretch of SR229, minding my own business....suddenly my eyes are drawn, irresistibly, ASSAULTINGLY, to the pallid, sweaty glare of you, jiggling across the lawn astride the seat of an obviously exhertionally-wheezy John Deere....I'd swear that I could see the axles buckling, and I found myself wishing that your lawn wasn't so bumpy, as I found myself positively nauseated by the vaguely obscene,wave-like motion that those bumps generated in the rolls of meat that you weren't enough embarassed by to have,at least, heaved a tarp over yourself before heading out to the roadside.

Dude.

There are,like, THOUSANDS of statuesquely built, less busty, way WAY cuter women across America who would have been arrested for just such public indecency, cited for Mowing In Public Without a Top On.
You have bigger tah-tahs than most of them, and yours are fracking UGLY.
But, just because your gonads hang beneath your body cavity, it's all okey doke to subject the rest of us to YOU.
You should be FRACKING BUSTED, and your poor, suffering, flat-tired J.D. Should be impounded, if only to prevent further episodes of this kind from ever happening again.....


There you are....your glistening lard-white folds, (with a delicate blush of Easter-ham pink artistically tingeing the edges...), quivering along at approximately 8 mph....fascinatingly horrified, I am unable to tear my eyes away, as you begin to make your turn up the next row and......

YE GODS AND ALL THE MINIONS OF HADES BELOW,THERE IS NO JUSTICE OR SANITY IN AMERICA!!!!!!!!!

....we are now treated to that astro-turf-hairy and appallingly mole-spackled expanse that YOU refer to as your "back".
Need a mower for that too, don'tchya?

Yup.
I'd MUCH prefer that The Law come and force YOU to cover yourself.
Maybe the Law,as it is written and observed and enforced, should not refer to gender.
Maybe it should be a matter of cup-size.....

damn.
I hope you end up with a 2nd degree sunburn....EVERYWHERE.

Meteor Showers and Ritual Killings...

Okay.
I have had several requests for information regarding last November's "The Great Leonid Meteor Shower and Road Trip Debacle a la' Dogmeat", as I was heard to be muttering threatening remarks regarding bite-marks upon a certain individual,(who's name was indeed changed to keep me out of jail...), and something to do with "detail the entire damn truck with a toothbrush, a kleenex, and his tongue."
People got curious, began clamoring for details......
So here it is, IN BOLD, via the series of emails,(chronologically, this time, for your reading ease and pleasure), that got exchanged over the deal, and, as I may have mentioned, names have been changed so I have absolute deniability going for me.
As in, "Dogmeat Who?" :

On Nov 16, 2009, at 10:58 AM, "Dogmeat" wrote:
Subject: Re: WHERE......

....around Marietta will I find a very dark and wide sky angle night sky view?

Meteor shower tonight/Tuesday morning and I am trying to figure out where I can get in the state that won't be cloudy- Marietta,(and the southeast corner), has a reasonable forecast but I have NO fracking idea where I would go once I get to Marietta if I come down 77 from up here.

DAMN I hope you get this today.
I was kind of going to ask you about it Saturday but you were off and away.



rats.


IF you get this, please provide MAP.

As in, where a sort of flat,DARK, not very obstructed sky-view might be in that area.
I figure you know, Mr. River.
Shoot, if I can get down there, we could even meet up.


GOT PHONE NUMBER?

me- 614-godamit

dammit.
stankass cloudycrap..

damn am I sleep deprived.


LAYTERZ
I hope.


On Nov 19, 2009, at 10:50 AM, TD wrote:
Re:Yes, I Suck

Just checked my email. Well, I hope you found a nice spot and was not the victim of a ritual killing.(there are some strange ones down that way) Sorry for the response delay(see email subject).
-TD

Sent from my iPhone

On Nov 20, at 1:19 PM, Dogmeat Wrote:
To: TD
Subject: Re: Yes, I suck

Yes, you do.
I sorta figured you wouldn't see it.

The only near victim of ritual killing was Russel.
I let him ride shotgun....he was SUPPOSED to be in charge of regional mapping....

We wound up nearly getting "pigged" by the sheriff in Macksville/Dexterville,(or whatever the fruck it's called), because we probably looked very suspicious hunched over Russel's laptop in my truck pulled up at an abandoned gas station.*
Fortunately, I noticed him pulling up around a corner and trying to get backed around to come back and hassle us, so I pulled out and back-tracked to the point that the Fife met us coming back the opposite way- he was just racing by and I doubt he realized it was us he was passing. Figure there are about a bajillion beat up pup-trucks out there....

So anyway, since Russel decided to park his Tim Horton's on the floor on that little hump between "foot-wells", when I cornered kind of tight and fast to dodge the cops,I wound up with a sock full of coffee when it careened into my side of that hump when the whole deal tipped over.

So now I know that:
-Russel is incapable of following directions,(as in, "Get proper maps downloaded, Russel.")

-Russel is incapable of reading a map,(as in, "Where the fruck are we now, Russel? Well, if you don't know, WHY did you tell me to make the exit here???")

-Russel has no common sense,(as in, "Whythefuckdiditoccurtoyoutobalencethecoffeewhereitwouldrollintomyfeet??!!??")

-Russel claims to be car-sick when he is afraid that the driver will kill him outright unless he engages a sympathy ploy,(as in, "I am going to fucking kill you now! If I end up in jail with coffee-soaked socks because you told me to get off at A TOTALLY WRONG exit onto 821, my only remorse will be that I didn't have time to get your corpse out of my truck before I get pulled over! Where the FRUCK is this godforsaken rockslide Deliverance Ditch taking us anyway?? There aren't even any roadsigns now! Whaddyamean, carsick??? You puke in this truck and the coffee spill will seem like Disneyland......")

-Russel does not have enough sense to shut up when he needs to, (as in, "So, Dogmeat, I have a question; " "Shut up Russel, or I will go back to my plans to kill you and dump your body outside Marietta."

-Marietta looks like shit in the dark. 821 is the Highway to Hell. Dexterville's largest business is called "The Adult Store". Devola, although present on maps, cannot actually be found on this dimensional plane.

ANYWAY.

After 5 hours of driving, never did get a decent clear sky.
What clear sky there had been was quickly filled in by the troughy frontal debris moving faster across the region than they had predicted.
I would have had to go past Pittsburgh or Wheeling to find anything clear.

My one consolation is that the meteor "storm" left N.America pretty lame, as far as activity, it was mostly in Mongolia.

Okay.
Other consolation;
Russel will be cleaning the floor of my truck with a toothbrush next week.
I might make him chip in for gasoline too, since his interesting travel "strategy" probably took us 40 miles out of our route.

hmmph.
I may have to put this in my blog.

should I change HIS,(we know who we are talking about...), name, d'ya think?
If only to protect me from legal consequences, should they indeed find his body floating in the river???

seeya

DogMeatHellDriverCoffeeSox

p.s.
*insert demonic laughter here*





* Note: At this point in my history, I did not have a valid drivers license. It could have become very ugly, and quite possibly have evolved into a scene from "Midnight Express", involving disappearances, bribery gone bad, and a profound misunderstanding of just what Russel meant by that when he babbled, "We were just out seeking a cosmic event!"

p.s.

I TOLD you that I was quite likely to lose interest.





.........at least, occasionally.

You were warned.

SLACKER!

So.....it's been since October.
Of LAST year.

So, I'm working on it, OKAY?!?

Don't rattle my 'tude, got it?

Got some things to say, several golden ops for some serious ranting.... just working out some details.

Like, how to post from this iPad dealie.
Format is different.

We'll get there, get 'er done, as the cowpokes are keen to say.
Yah, BILLIONS of cowpokes over here in Ohio.
Wannabeeees, yup yup.

we'll be talking about that, more, later, oh yus.

snort.