IRRITATING.

Here's the dealio;

I spend a fair amount of time READING on the internet.

News. Tech-related informational blogs. Reviews.

And I spend more and more of that reading time in irritation.

WHY?

None of these people frickin' SPELL things correctly, many of them use backwards, ignorant grammatical structure.

IF YOU ARE GOING TO PUBLISH YOUR SUPPOSEDLY KNOWLEDGABLE WRITINGS ON THE INTERNET, FACKING KNOW HOW TO SPELL, ALREADY!

Even Scientific American* is rife with spelling errors and interesting grammatical structures these days.

I have two words for everybody;

SPELL CHECK.

Turn it on.

It's not hard, it will put little red lines under the words you have misspelled, you can even have it correct the spelling for you.

And, if you are a professional publication, you should have proof-readers available to you, and doing their jobs correctly.

If' you've gone and fired them all....HIRE THEM BACK, DO IT NOW!!!!

When I am reading something, for the sake of the enlightening material presented therein, I do NOT want the progress of my mind hobbled by the irritation of junk spelling and crap grammar.

REALLY.

Oh. lest we forget.....

KINDLE**.

Kindle**, Nook**, EBooks**, iBooks***....whichever digital publisher you are; PROOF WHAT YOU ARE PUBLISHING, FERJEEZUSSAKE! When I am reading along in a novel by oh, let's say.... Bernard Cornwell,(excellent historical fiction, folks, I highly recommend it), I don't expect to have to hurdle spelling obstacles placed in my way. I would think that a digital publishing agent as high-profile as Kindle could do better. Some of the errors are just RIDICULOUS;

- "freind" as opposed to "friend"

- "there", when it should be "their"

- "wait", when it should be "weight"

And the list just goes on and on.

Its jest plane erksum, I telled ya!

snort.

* Did NOT change the name , not even a little bit, in the interest of propriety and risk of lawsuit because, if they are going to spell badly and then set themselves up as a publication for the intelligentsia, they just don't deserve it.

** DITTO.

*** REALLY, Apple! If you want to claim that you are ALL THAT, and try to compete with Kindle, you need to do WAY BETTER with your publications. Kindle's publication is still better than yours, and they don't cost as much. So there.****

**** I am an Apple user, not one piece of M#cr#s#ft anywhere in my house or back pocket, so I can fuss at Apple all I want. Humph, already.

p.s.

Can somebody tell me why the font size seems to have a life of it's own in here?

Like, sometimes it's really frackin' big, and sometimes it's really stinkin' small, and, apparently, has NOTHING TO DO WITH WHAT I WANT IT TO BE,WHATSOEVER.

So, can somebody tell me why?

just asking.......

Oh, Honeybunch, NO!!!!

Sweetie!!!

Please, oh PLEASE, if you are wearing Dupends*, WHATEVER you do, don't be wearing something that reveals them to the rest of us, while you are outside doing leaf duty on your sidewalk.

I know, I know, you are an elderly woman, doing your civic duty and all, but..... DAMN!

I probably shouldn't say anything.

But I am afraid that I must.

Cosmic Forces are conspiring and making me do it.

In a little less than 3 small-town blocks, yours is the second set of Dupends* I've laid eyes on this morning.

WHAT ARE THE ODDS** OF THAT?, I ASK YOU!

Either there's a Message from God there, or else it's "All the Old Ladies in Downtown Mt. V*rnon Ohio Strap on Your Crotch Fortifications and then Go Outside and Find a Way to Show Them to Innocent Drivers-By Day" downtown, and I've missed the other 2238 sets of padded undies on display today.

And what's with your style choice with that?!?

Large, mauve, snug-fitting velour sweats, with some sort of MESH at the crotch that ALLOWED ME TO SEE IT ALL when you bent over to bag away some of the downed autumn leaves.It was such a startler that I was slow to pass through the stop light,and elicited a polite,(and entirely appropriate), toot on the horn by the person following me.

MESH???

Is that some sort of Fresher Feeling Air-scoop dealie there?

The poor,misguided woman of 3 blocks earlier wasn't so vibrantly attired, she just managed to have tucked her shirt into the tops of her Dupends* and the diaper was, essentially, sticking out of the top of her pants, along the lines of the gym-class pipsqueak's Fruitie Looms when he's having a bad wedgie day at school.

Really.

What were you thinking?

Is this some sort of Senior Women's Circle "CRY FREEDOM!!!!" thingie?

I'm all for it.

But, perhaps, we should cordon off the area first.

*Personal Protection device name changed to protect me from being sued and to provide me with a chance to deny that I ever thought that the company in question sanctioned this sort of frisky behaviour on the part of Elderly Women, ever.

**In downtown Mt. V*rnon, there are approximately 4 persons over the age of 68 for every person under the age of 60.

Really.

I swear.

If You're a Presbyterian....

...STOP READING NOW.

It's a little raw in here, the language will definitely offend you, you'll likely consign me to your list of "People who will most certainly go to Hell".

Fine by me, probly a done deal anywayz, and, quite frankly, it's none of your frucking business.

All ya-all Catholics....

...come right on in.

You brought us the Borgia Popes and The Inquisition, so NOTHING should shock you in any buzz-kill kind of way.

If there's any specific group(s) of people who have a RIGHT to feel affronted by the material contained herein, it would be White Men who insist that "Guns Don't Kill People", Subservient Ta-Ta Baring 23-Year-Old "Twitter-Girls", ANYBODY who watches porn/tries to validate it by calling it "Art"/thinks it's alright for porn to even exist..., and ALL Overweight Women Who Still Wear Stirrup Pants.

And since that's generally my target group(s) for a little unbridled derisive sneering, well.... I'm just achieving my goal, so we ALL win!

And lest ye forget, my gentle readers;

I HATE EVERYBODY.

So, Be Prepared and FOREWARNED.

I've already offered that up, so, Deal.

okay.

Yes I'm Cranky.

I'll fill you in on that in a subsequent episode.

Just because I am Cranky doesn't make any of the above remarks less truth.

So have a nice day, bite me*, and continue reading.

or not.

*teeth marks are a sign of character and may be even a better chick-magnet than a classy tattoo or a black porsche. so GO FOR IT. Get some today!

The Tolerance Song

HIT IT!

"One of these THINGS is not like the others.

One of these THINGS is NO-OT the same.

One of these THINGS is not like the others.

But it's okay

to let IT/Him/Her/Them* join in The Game!

hum hum hum hum

de Humm hum hum hmmmmmmmmmm................"

Now THAT'S the way S*same Str*et should sing it.

Instead of teaching kids to search and destroy that which is diverse in some way.

"Find what's wrong with this picture kiddies!"

Yup.

Teaching the art of The Discriminating Eye to tender 2-year-olds.

Rock it, Big Bird.

*if you sing this little bit REALLY fast, you can make the rhythm come out almost alright. And really. Who frucking cares when you're trying to set fire to The Box, anywayz? I personally think it's just FINE to let your golf clubs mingle amongst the umbrellas in the front hallway coat-stand.

I'm Working Up To It.

I'll be back soon.

I've just been having a SHIT time of things... and rancor and openly hating God can only get ya so far in Blogland.

So I'll get back in here soon,

..............as soon as I've done yelling at Jehovah.