Please, oh PLEASE, if you are wearing Dupends*, WHATEVER you do, don't be wearing something that reveals them to the rest of us, while you are outside doing leaf duty on your sidewalk.
I know, I know, you are an elderly woman, doing your civic duty and all, but..... DAMN!
I probably shouldn't say anything.
But I am afraid that I must.
Cosmic Forces are conspiring and making me do it.
In a little less than 3 small-town blocks, yours is the second set of Dupends* I've laid eyes on this morning.
WHAT ARE THE ODDS** OF THAT?, I ASK YOU!
Either there's a Message from God there, or else it's "All the Old Ladies in Downtown Mt. V*rnon Ohio Strap on Your Crotch Fortifications and then Go Outside and Find a Way to Show Them to Innocent Drivers-By Day" downtown, and I've missed the other 2238 sets of padded undies on display today.
And what's with your style choice with that?!?
Large, mauve, snug-fitting velour sweats, with some sort of MESH at the crotch that ALLOWED ME TO SEE IT ALL when you bent over to bag away some of the downed autumn leaves.It was such a startler that I was slow to pass through the stop light,and elicited a polite,(and entirely appropriate), toot on the horn by the person following me.
MESH???
Is that some sort of Fresher Feeling Air-scoop dealie there?
The poor,misguided woman of 3 blocks earlier wasn't so vibrantly attired, she just managed to have tucked her shirt into the tops of her Dupends* and the diaper was, essentially, sticking out of the top of her pants, along the lines of the gym-class pipsqueak's Fruitie Looms when he's having a bad wedgie day at school.
Really.
What were you thinking?
Is this some sort of Senior Women's Circle "CRY FREEDOM!!!!" thingie?
I'm all for it.
But, perhaps, we should cordon off the area first.
*Personal Protection device name changed to protect me from being sued and to provide me with a chance to deny that I ever thought that the company in question sanctioned this sort of frisky behaviour on the part of Elderly Women, ever.
**In downtown Mt. V*rnon, there are approximately 4 persons over the age of 68 for every person under the age of 60.
Really.
I swear.
3 comments:
These are disturbing visuals while one is drinking their 6am coffee. I hope I remember this in thirty years or so when my own absorbent undergarments are poking out of my stirrup pants.
Dear Anonymous;
Thank you for helping me to Save The World.
If you think about how very distracting those Dupends can be, (when protruding from the top of one's stirrup pants), for The Innocent Drivers of America, and how said Dupends increase the likelihood of 5-car pile-ups in The Center of Town, reaching ANY members of the ever-growing population of aging women in this country is merely an Essential Public Service, and we must ALL do our parts.
Trust Me.
You'll thank me later.
p.s.
Thank you also for reading my Blog.
Perhaps you have swollen the ranks of my Followers to 6,(or maybe 7)!
Yay for you.
Don't forget to take your Viscodin before reading my Blog..........
snicker.
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