HANG UP THE PHONE,YOU DIMNITZ SOW!!!

Or are you TOTALLY uninvested in the little girl you've got riding in the backseat???

Perhaps you are a kidnapper, and, having already absconded with the $122,000.89 in unmarked bills, you are entirely blithe about the survival of the fluffy little blonde tyke in a pinky-lavendar barney toofer suit,(with matching drool bib).

Perhaps she's the offspring of your 65 year-old Dad's autumn-spring marriage with a 22 year-old Acapulco cabana girl,(6 months younger than yourself), that occurred only 15 minutes after he surprised your Mother,(who thought they were on vacation), with a Mexican shot-gun divorce, and you have finally discovered that the Barney-ette in your backseat stands to inherit EVERYTHING. So you don't really WANT her to make it back from the BigSister BabySits angryshoeshopping trip to the mall.

Maybe you really WANT her to be ejected through the glass at 92 mph when your distracted careen comes to a suddenly clumsy completion against the driver-side bumper of the Peterbuilt that you failed entirely to notice because you were squinting into the sun-glared "contacts" screen of your Backbleery* 2110XZ TextoSupreme.

But.

What if she's YOURS, you BEET????

Why don't you care MORE, for your little girl?

Do you even KNOW that you are driving like a Baghdad suicide-bomber who has suddenly realized that he forgot to put his bomb in the car, and must now exact his jihad with the limited resources he has at hand..... namely speed and a chaotic drive-path through roadways that are densely occupied by other high-speed careening maniacs?

You are so So SOOOOO preoccupied and self involved.

Really.

They should be working on some sort of sensing device in these cars that picks up when a cell phone gets turned on and immediately locks the top road-speed down to 67 mph.

Or perhaps cell phones should come with sensors that refuse to allow the phone to communicate if the vehicle's speed is anywhere above......say.......ZERO mph.

Listen up, Barbee.

GET YOUR DAMN HEAD OUT OF THE MICROWAVES.

Your cell phone has clearly damaged your brain.

*Name changed to protect me from any corporate bullshit lawsuits, as she was clearly using that device and they should be ashamed of enabling her behaviour.