That's right....moi'.
Like.
You gottabefruckin'kiddingme.
Called them.
Spoke to...GET THIS, an American who speaks intelligibly and..... in English!
"Okay. WHY do I have a bill for A DOLLAR???!!?? The last customer service rep assured me that I was DONE, that the $4 was IT."
"Well, she should have had you pay $5."
*Silence so deafening that Travis,(customer service rep), can hear my neurons clattering and grinding in an effort to regain a foothold in the real world*
"WHAT do you mean, five dollars?"
"Well, she had you pay $4, when it was really supposed to be the amount of $5. I don't really understand why she did that."
"I do. It's called cheapass petty vengeance and malignant mischief."
"Excuse me?"
"Nothing. HOW do we fix this because it's totally ree-dick-yu-lous and the remaining balence I owe is ENTIRELY you guys' fault. I have a rocket launcher and 3 NRA-issue hand grenades over here, and I promise you that I am telling EVERYBODY I KNOW about this whole problem with M-Tobile*!!!!"
"I can take off the dollar for you right now, you won't owe us anything....rocket launcher?!?"
"I'm sorry, you must have mis-heard me. I am used to speaking to persons from Rhodesia and Bombay when I contact M-Tobile*, and I was doing what's called "compensatory pronunciation"....... so you'll take that dollar off there RIGHT NOW, and I won't have to deal with bad credit or ever ever ever receive some bogus bill from you ever ever again?"
"That's right, and then we will part company without any problems."
*the silence of mulling things over*
"Arright. Let's do that. I need a RECEIPT and a piece of paper that verifies that my contract is terminated."
*dead silence from the other end*
"ummmmm, I don't know if we can do that. I know that you won't get another bill from us...."
"Right, that's what the LAST person said. She also left me with a DOLLAR hanging on my account and now you,Travis, innocent bystander, are dealing with my wrath. If you can generate a BILL, you can generate a RECEIPT."
"Can you go online? Access your account...."
"I DON'T HAVE AN ACCOUNT ANY LONGER, RIGHT??!!????!!!!"
.
.
.
.
.
"No, I guess you don't. Well, I'll try to get a receipt sent. Here is my CS representative ID number, just in case you do get another bill."
"Can I have your address and description if I need to hunt you down?"
"I beg your pardon?"
"Nothing. My translator broke into Rhodesian there for a minute and it sounded very much like I said I would hunt you down. I was saying "Thank you for the info".
"Okay, well the dollar is off there and you no longer have a contract with us.....I hope your weekend is a brighter one now."
*sizzlesizzlesizzlesizzle*
uh huh.
We'll see.
Tune in one month from now, I'll let ya know.
*Name changed so I don't get sued and so people can't tell it was me who did it if, a month from now, a gaping hole appears in the pavement where the ACTUAL cellular carrier used to be.
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